How many times have you made a New Year’s Resolution (or many) only to lose steam a month or two later and feel completely defeated by spring? I’ll raise my hand to that! Resolutions are nothing more than hopes unfulfilled unless you put real behavior-change strategies behind them.. The New Year seems like a great time to make a fresh start, and it can be, but you have to understand a few things to turn those intentions a reality. So dump those new year’s resolutions and do this instead:
Understand the principles of biology and behavior change
Behavior change is a process that involves more than putting your mind toward doing something. We are creatures of habit, and when we engage in the same behavior, we do it because it serves a purpose. It may not always “serve us.’’ for our health and well being, but it does serve some needs we have. Humans are actually designed to conserve energy and high output is not what we’re designed for. As hunters and gatherers, we put out only the energy necessary to obtain food, then we needed to rest (A LOT), because we never knew when our next meal would be. When we say, “I need to get back to the gym, so I am going to start going three times a week starting in the new year,’’ that’s great! But what’s the underlying reason for wanting to go?
Behavior change is directly related to what we think and feel, so dig deep into the underlying experience you want to feel or the thoughts you need to shift. (I want to have more energy, feel better in my clothes, feel stronger, be more compassionate or accepting, etc.). When we focus on what we want to experience, we move away from shoulds to actual needs and, in turn, can widen our scope of what it actually takes to get there. Going to the gym may be a piece of that puzzle, but keep going through the next steps, because it may not be.
When we look at what we’re currently doing, it is important to look at the why. For example, you want to go to the gym right after work, but by the time you leave the office, you are hungry and tired and just don’t have the energy to work out. There are a couple of important questions I would ask in this inquiry as to WHY you aren’t doing what you think you “should’’ do.
- Do you “like’’ ’ working out at the gym? Is that your preferred exercise of choice?
- Are you bringing enough food to the office to sustain you throughout the day to make it there fueled and ready to go?
- Is evening the best time for you to exercise based on your energy?
- Are you getting enough sleep at night, because maybe you actually need more rest and a different kind of exercise… (yup, I said rest)
Yes, you may be heading home because you are not sufficiently fueled, it may not be the right time AND you may need something different altogether. You may be stopping yourself from performing a behavior that you THINK you need, but actually you may not be fully listening to what your body and mind actually NEED.
Think about how you want to FEEL in your body, understand WHY you want to do the things you want to do and explore what you might actually NEED.
Think seasonally
After getting deeper into your why, it’s important to consider whether the timing is off when setting goals. When we understand that, our energy, focus and capacity for change ebb and flow with various cycles. We have seasonal cycles, like winter, spring, summer and fall, and especially for women, we also have monthly cycles based on menstruation. Women have very different levels of energy output based on when we are in menstruation, follicular ovulatory, and luteal phases. And even if you are no longer menstruating , these cycles still occur energetically and can be tracked based on the moon cycles.
One of my favorite books that explains this is Kate Northrup’s Do Less: A Revolutionary Approach to Time and Energy Management for Ambitious Women. Our culture dictates that everyone should be able to do anything at any time. And that’s simply not true. Our energy waxes and wanes based on these seasonal and monthly cycles. So be realistic about what you should be doing in January, April, July or October.
My guideline is this: In winter (menstrual) months, consider more internal, quiet and contemplative activities. Our energy output is lower and really focused on conservation. Spring (follicular) is for planting those seeds, as frost melts, our energy starts to pick up and planning activities, requiring increased energy and focus on growth, is great. Summer (ovulation) is super strong energy, but we can burn ourselves out if we push too hard in the heat. So keep moving, but at a steady pace. Fall (luteal) brings harvest, so it’s a great time for cleaning things up, reflecting on the past year, making plans and goals and putting in that last energetic push for that winter conservation time.
Those plans to join the gym in January may actually be counter-intuitive after all. Maybe use January doing your deep introspection of what the year ahead may look like and save the gym joining for March.
Choose Wisely
It’s really easy to choose a handful of resolutions, but pick one or two, depending on the season and your priorities. Based on a global survey at the beginning of 2021 by Statista, these were the most popular resolutions:
- Exercise more (44%)
- Eat healthier (42%)
- Spend more time with family and friends (34%)
- Lose weight (31%)
- Live more economically (30%)
- Spend less time on social media (24%)
- Improve my performance on the job (23%)
- Reduce stress on the job (20%)
- Quit smoking (19%)
- Cut down on alcohol (15%)
As you can see, these are all the “doing’’ parts of the resolution. If any of these line up with what you are considering changing, go back to steps 1 and 2. Ask yourself why these are important to you, prioritize their importance, then identify when it’s appropriate to address them. Some may have to wait, and we have accept that. It is so much more encouraging when we can make progress in one area than feel like a failure in many.
Choose actionable and reasonable steps based on the above information.
Many times our goals are not met because they are either not right l for our intended desire, or were not specific enough, with manageable steps, to reach. Just saying you are going to lose weight is too nebulous to really sink your teeth into. Is there a specific weight or clothing size? Do you know the steps needed? For instance, drinking an appropriate amount of water per day, limiting fast food or restaurant food, eating a certain amount of vegetables and getting more protein. Sometimes having a coach can help us stay accountable and create a plan specific to our own personal needs.
We can become overwhelmed if we do not break our goals into bite-sized pieces that can be measured and tracked. You know the saying: “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.’’ If we reframe resolutions to be more like long-term goals with short-term strategies, we can feel more successful at every step.
Make it fun
As humans, our nature is playful. As a matter of fact, children learn through play, and adults do too, we’ve just forgotten. There is a reason for playing games, sports or other playful activities … because it’s fun vand keeps us flexible (mentally and physically). We cannot make progress on behavior change with rigid thinking. One of my favorite sayings is: “If you always do what you always did, you will always get what you always got.’’ Yes, it’s a mouthful, but true. We cannot make change with the thinking that got us stuck in the first place. And play and fun is the easiest way to get out of that scenario.
My daughter started creating her bullet journal to track her goals. What is a bullet journal you ask? This writer from Good Housekeeping describes it as “Equal parts day planner, diary, and written meditation, bullet journaling turns the chaos of coordinating your life into a streamlined system that helps you be more productive and reach your personal and professional goals.” My daughter designs them before the month starts, chooses a theme and goals, uses color and design to keep her engaged every day. It’s fun, creative and she’s motivated to track because it is pleasing to her senses.
Make it fun by using planners or trackers, enlist friends or family to join, create games to accomplish your goals, reward yourself after hitting smaller goals toward your larger ones and choose activities that are inherently more fun, engaging and motivating than monotonous ones.
For example, I know I need to exercise, but I’m not motivated to go to the gym, and where I live, there aren’t many places to walk. But I love to dance and enrolled in a dance class twice a week, and my husband and I are starting Salsa dance classes. It’s different every week so it nourishes my need for novelty, and it’s something I love to do. Set yourself up for success by meeting both physical and emotional needs when choosing how to accomplish your goals.
Revisit and Revise Regularly
Research suggests It take approximately 66 days of consistently engaging in a new behavior to create a habit. And 254 before it is fully formed. That is more than what once was believed. That means we need to spend time and attention on it. Make time monthly, quarterly and/or semiannually to check on your intentions and goals. How are you actually doing? Any good behavior-change strategies include revising and reworking specific plans. Assess what is working, not working and what would make it better. Sometimes we understand our needs better after trying a strategy for a period of time. Evaluating any barriers, thinking or behaviors that are interfering with our success can only be realized after making an effort to engage in new behaviors.
One of my favorite tracking journals is from Habit Nest. They have books and a new app as well as journals for different kinds of goals: fitness, nutrition, meditation, gratitude, weightlifting. It is a neat and powerful tool to help organize your efforts and keep you accountable.
It’s easy to just let it go when we don’t revisit our efforts and get back on track. Trying to just keep “doing’’ the work, without making micro adjustments to get us closer to success, will just lead to disappointment and ultimate failure..
Conclusion:
If you take nothing else away from this discussion, remember any kind of behavior change is a process. There is not a final destination, but rather, measured steps toward improvement over time. Behavior change is not black and white or linear. Once you release expectations of perfection, you can enjoy the journey. So go ahead and set intentions or goals, but do it in a way that will set you up for success. Focus on a change based on your underlying needs, is appropriate to the season, is specific and measurable and fun! Remember to revisit goals, track them and watch your gains flourish with minimal effort.
My gift to you this New Year is a 20-minute free consultation to help you and your teen refine your intentions for 2022. Book a call here:
Happy New Year!